Friday, March 31, 2017

J Clair

J Clair

I think the average person would love to reinvent themselves occasionally, whether to mark a major event, or to show how much someone has changed. Our with the old and in with the new, so to speak. 

I feel like...this is one of those times for me. 2016 was a terrible year in many ways. I had to move from a place I loved. I lost family members and friends. I lost my income. There was a whole lot of loss. Meanwhile, I was an emotional wreck, because I was unsure where life was headed. I remember talking to my wife and saying that I wasn't happy. 

Of course I was still happy with her and my children, but there was something within me that I couldn't explain. There was a yearning for more. 

And things changed drastically with the birth of my son, Max. On the very day he was born, while my wife was in labor, I received an email from Amazon saying that I had been reinstated. I was back, and yet, so much had changed. I had already uprooted my life, gotten a job, and changed my whole outlook on life, I didn't know when was the last time I would be able to full time write again. 

But then...everything started changing. Things that made my heart ache were resolved. I was happier even though I was broke. I had more time for family. And though I wasn't yet writing, I was able to plan ahead for when I would, knowing that at some point, I would return back to that world.

And so now I've returned, but I've changed. And not just my personality, but my writing as well. I feel like it's cleaner, and more precise. I've grown, and suddenly, Julius St. Clair is not who I am anymore. Not exactly. Those four years of a full time author will always be a part of me and my history, but I want to evolve, and become the phoenix that rose from the ashes months ago. 

And so, I'm trying something.

I'm changing my name to J Clair, and seeing what happens. It might go horribly, and I can go right back to Julius St. Clair. No biggie. Just some lost time. But it's either now or never, when I've already been away from writing for months and lost readers. It's a fresh start, and I might as well see if it all heads in the right direction. I just figured i might as well give you all a heads up. 


Friday, March 10, 2017

Ah, Life...

There's this corny line in an old movie, Forrest Gump, in which he says that Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get.

I remember in college that I thought I had it all figured out. I would graduate, get a great job, and soar into the sky upon wings of excellence. How foolish and naive I was. I ended up waiting tables straight out of college even with a Bachelor's degree under my belt. It was jarring to be sure, but over time I realized that the key was to never give up. Ever.

I thought I had made it nearly five years ago. A failed teaching career turned into a desperate, last resort, reach for the stars. With nothing to lose and finding myself on unemployment after being laid off, I asked my wife if I could try to make a career out of writing. All I wanted was six months. If nothing happened then I would go back to teaching, and I would know what I was doing for the next 30+ years of my life.

In the sixth month, after working 14 hour days, renewing myself every morning, and praying for a miracle, it all came together. I started making as much as I was teaching, and sometimes more. I was ecstatic, and I began making a life around my work. I didn't know what I was doing all the time, but I did my best, and I realized that writing full-time was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

Less than a year ago, I lost it all. My books were taken down and although it was temporary, it caused a large enough tear in my life that I was forced to turn it all upside down. I had to move, get a more traditional job, and watch as dream faded. It was the worst day of my life.

But I couldn't quit. And I tried to make the best of my situation. Now, I can finally say that I will be returning back to full-time writing. I didn't think this was would happen anytime soon, but I'm grateful. Although I'm sure I've lost some readers, some fans, a great deal of my audience...I'm hopeful that I can reach someone with one of my stories again.